Friday, 15 December 2017

My Relationship with Alcohol

My name is Beki Blank, and I am certainly not an alcoholic, in fact I've probably drunk less alcohol in my years than the average youth, and I'm really alright with that.

Don't get me wrong, I adore a cocktail or a couple (many) glasses (bottles) of wine, but there's something about alcohol that makes me feel unbelievably uneasy, and I have no idea what it is; which is why I choose not to drink it excessively. I know my limits, and I always stick to them.

It's really hard to explain, so I'm going to do my best to put it into words that hopefully others can understand as well...

I like to know what I'm doing, I like to feel in control of my body. I've been drunk a few times in my twenty years (wild, I know!) and I have been fine, but it's filled me with feelings of anxiety, nervousness and generally feeling really crap (not hungover though I wish to add!) for at least two/three days afterwards, and if I'm honest it's not worth it. Like anything mental health related most feelings/thoughts/actions has a trigger, and many spirits seem to be mine. 

For example, the majority of shots (except for sourz) are my main trigger, and if I do them, I may feel great at that moment, but the anxiety/general upset I get prior and after doing the shot really isn't worth it, so much so I ran out of my leaving do in Plymouth when a friend bought me tequila. It was scene I didn't want to make, but I couldn't do the shot and risk feeling unhappy- especially when I wanted to enjoy my night with people around me who I loved.

Sometimes I wonder if it would be easier if I went completely tee total, like people seem to understand someone who just doesn't want to drink, so why can't a little drinker be equally as easy to understand?

Although to completely contradict myself, I’ve drunk a lot for me since being at uni. It is a social thing, and frankly my skill of being able to drink a bottle wine similarly to a bottle of water is something that hasn’t gone unnoticed in our flat, so much so I’m going with it being my party trick, and once again I am okay with that.

So basically, I like a drink, but I don't want to be drunk, far from it. If I've got a glass of wine in hand I'm probably really happy, but equally I'm just as happy with my Ribena, so please just let me be...

Beki x

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