Friday, 20 January 2017

Only 19 // #blankthoughts

In Wednesday's blogpost (you can read here) I wrote about slowly working through my everlasting to do lists. However I didn't complete much of my 2016 ones, and towards the end of the year I was starting to feel useless about this.

At the start of 2016 I told myself I would know what I was doing by the end of the year, and that I would simply have my shit together and being one step closer to the 'career bitch' persona I see myself having.

But one thing I came to realise is that things take time, and lots of it, and the majority of time I have it and I'm not using it correctly, or it is simply not on my side.

As 2017 has gone on (all of 20 days so far), I have thought of all the 'issues' I had with the incomplete tasks of 2016 and have told myself one thing in an attempt to make myself feel better/slightly less pressured, and that is I am only 19.

Minus my brief obsession with My Little Pony, many people have said for a good proportion of my life that I am mature for my age, and to an extent I can agree with this.

From a young age having a good career was drummed into me, and whilst my specific career isn't the easiest to get into, for some reason I've always felt like I've needed to be successful or all but there by the age of 20. 

I put this down to being obsessed with the TV talent shows and younger professionals growing up, you'd always see the younger contestants doing there best and constantly being one step closer to their dream, and thats all I wanted. I don't want to wish my life away, but at the same time I do, as if the day happens where I get to say that my hobbies, loves and 'passions' are what earns me a living, I will be the happiest girl alive.

But right now, I can continue to attempt the little(ish) 'secret' (as I don't want to tell everyone at the moment!) projects and constantly imagine what life could be like when I am at my happiest.

But for now, I am only 19, and that'll have to do instead...

Beki x


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