Sunday, 31 December 2017

Goodbye 2017 // #blankthoughts

2017 - What A Year.

When I look back on this year, I can’t help but smile. 2017 has been the year of self belief and happiness, both of which I conquered.

At the start of the year I was in a rut with what I wanted in life. Did I even want to go to university anymore? Did I even want to be the type of performer I still aspire to be? Or was I happy to accept a different pathway if it meant that I felt like I was achieving something at that current moment, even if in reality it was not relevant to what I wanted.  My confidence dropped and if I’m honest its still affecting me now, there are situations that never used to bother me regarding performing that terrify me now, and probably will for a little while longer, but I’m working on it, and I’m certain it will get better. 

Cut to Spring, audition after audition for several different theatre schools started to leave me feeling deflated. I usually got a buzz of adrenaline from auditions but for some reason this year I really wasn’t feeling it, and that clearly came across in my auditions. I couldn’t ‘fake it until I made it’ and saw myself rejected from all of the schools I had applied for. Crap. There were two courses that I could apply for as back up (both of which I was unbelievably interested in attending), one was at Rose Bruford and was an opera course via distance learning, and the other was Voice in Performance at LCM. After a few phone calls and long discussions with several family members it was decided I’d audition for LCM and if that didn’t become a thing I get back in contact with Rose Bruford about the opera course (I had initially looked in to studying this rather than my HNC.) 

I arrived in London on the 28th of April full of nerves and excitement. I was staying in Paddington, and I went for a walk around Hyde Park/Kensington Gardens just like I did on my first visit to London when I was around the age of four, and just like that I started to get teary. Everything suddenly felt like it did a couple of years ago, I reminded myself why I loved London so much, and that all my aspirations for my career involving performing/singing/writing, all of which meant and still mean so much to me, if they ever came true it would be in this city. I went shopping, ate some food and retreated back to my hotel room where I rehearsed and then spent the evening watching episodes of Miranda. On the morning of my audition I was a bag of nerves, even more nervous than I was when I first started auditioning years ago. I gave it my all in the audition and was completely happy with how everything went at that moment (looking back there are SO many things I’d do differently), and during a conversation with one of my course lecturers when he said ‘Are you sure this course is for you?’ that I really felt it. I got emotional explaining why I loved what I loved so much and why it meant so much to me, I started to doubt myself in that moment and had I really done all I could. He also did tell me that he could see me starring in Carousel in the future which really made me smile. I left completely clueless as to whether I had got in, and off I headed back to Paddington ready to come home. Four days later, and email landed in my inbox from UCAS saying something had changed on Track, and in my heart I thought I hadn’t got in. For some reason I expected an email from the university to accompany an offer, and initially I ignored the email. It was a Wednesday morning, and this was the day we had back to back classes, and I knew that I realistically wouldn't be able to check the email until lunch. I logged in and saw unconditional offer. I’m not even sure what noise I made when I received the offer but the tears then followed. Thank goodness for my then course mates (and really great friends) who were all then sat around with me laughing at my emotions. If it wasn’t for the fact I needed to get on with rehearsals for our show which was a few weeks away I probably would have cried all day. This is hands down one of the best days of the year and my life, and one I certainly won’t forget.

Over the Summer I turned 20, finished my HNC and truly began to accept myself. My Mum and I went on holiday to Crete and for the first time in years I felt fully comfortable with my body. My Mum loved taking pictures for me every evening/afternoon (sense the sarcasm), and I don’t care how people take this, but I felt amazing everyday. There were days that I was a bit more bloated or my skin reacted to the suncream, but everyday I felt amazing- something I hadn’t felt in a very long time.

In the Autumn I moved to London. After an incredible leaving party surrounded by everyone I love, I finally moved to the city of my dreams. On move in day I was teary for about 20 minutes, and it was a combination of ‘oh my god I moved away from home’ and ‘I’ve done it.’ Since then, there hasn’t been one day where I regretted leaving Plymouth, of course I miss it when I’m not there, but London really does bring out the best of me. Within the first week of university I truly realised who I was, what I wanted in my ‘career’ and how I hopefully could live my life. I have made SO many incredible friends who are all so talented in their own right that I hope that ‘luck’ is on their side in the future, because they truly deserve it. 

The past term at university has been exhausting, but I really have enjoyed every single second of it. Of course there has been times when I haven’t truly felt my best, and the few weeks I spent within my room ‘sorting myself out’ was exactly what I needed to remind myself of why I am here. Returning home for Christmas has made me more eager to return to London and get on with everything. So many people I have seen since coming home have commented on how much happier I am now living in London. I truly feel like I am living the life I’ve dreamt of since I was a little girl.

So to conclude a rather lengthy year in review, 2017 has been amazing, and I put it down to focussing on those around me and everything I love.

To my unbelievably supportive friends and family, whether you’ve been around since day one or more recently, thank you for being there throughout the adventure. I can’t wait to see what happens next and what 2018 brings, but once again, I predict and hope it could be a great one.

Beki x


Saturday, 30 December 2017

The 2017 Recap // #blankthoughts

At the start of this year, I wrote a blogpost titled 'autofocus' talking about looking at the year from a certain perspective and not caring/focussing on negative thoughts & surroundings. This post is nearly a year old, which baffles me greatly- especially when I think about everything that has happened this year.

In tomorrow's blogpost I can't wait to share my recap of the year similarly to how I did last year, however in this post I can already sense/know that there will be more positivity than in 2016's version, because by comparison, this year has been incredible.

I keep mentioning that I'm the happiest I've ever been, and when my friends can comment on it and confirm it- I know it isn't my own thoughts taking over me and something that is clearly visible.

By focussing on the things I cared about, and allowing the things that weren't so important to sit at the back of my mind, I was able to prioritise my time correctly, and as a result I know this has been my best year ever.

2017, I can't wait to write my highlights tomorrow, ready to look back on for when I need a reminder of what I can do when I focus...

Beki x


Friday, 29 December 2017

My Plans for 2018

Above is an image of sleepy and nearly wine drunk Beki- stretching her way through her twitter feed. This is how I've spent many an evening throughout this Christmas and probably the past few months. But guess what, I'm really happy. Life has its dramas and mine is certainly full of them- and I wouldn't change it for the world.

You see, my plans for 2018 are simply to be a more productive and equally as happy version of me. I feel like I've really found myself this year and now it is setting me up for another great year.

I could make a specific list of everything I'm going to want to achieve in 2018, but I've put pressure on myself countless times before and it only makes it worse when ideas/dreams that simply aren't achievable yet don't happen.

Just know that next year I'll be doing exactly what I'm doing now, pressure free and focussed.

Singing, writing, performing and lipstick obsessing- it's what I do best...

Beki x


Thursday, 28 December 2017

What I Got From Christmas // #blankthoughts

It's fairly common for anyone who views/reads the YouTube & Blogging scene to see 'What I got for Christmas' posts/videos filling timelines.

I would be lying if I said that I'm not going to mention things I received ever again, but that isn't the purpose of this post.

In the run up to Christmas I felt a lack of excitement. Being stuck in my room after a slightly serious bump to the head (I'm fine now-she says!) left me doing nothing for a week. I had planned to do some  so much in the way of festivities and Christmas shopping that I knew I would eventually feel the excitement I had been lacking.

I was wrong.

It was when one very special friend (you know who you are) made it clear that they were eager for my return home for many different reasons, that I realised why I wasn't feeling as festive this year as I had in previous years.

Without being pretentious, I knew that when I came home I'd have a purpose, there were places I needed to be, people I was desperate to see and presents I really needed to buy (oops). 
Sure, I've spent/will be spending many of those hours working (I'd sooner be working in Plymouth than London but that's another story!), but I still get to be in the heart of people I knew (and the angry Christmas shoppers who think I choose the company policies...)

 Unlike previous years where I'd let those around me 'influence' my ongoing love for Christmas, it was almost like I needed reminding of what I was coming home for, and from that moment onwards I couldn't wait to be home.

What I got from Christmas this year was a reminder of happiness, friendship and love, it is so easy to be distracted by the 'materialistic' items we all wish for (fyi there's nothing wrong with wanting/wishing for something), but sometimes a hug or a chat from someone dear to you is more than enough.

And to the very special friend, thank you for making this Christmas even more special 😚

Beki x

Wednesday, 27 December 2017

Simple Face Favourites

There are days when I really feel like wearing little to no makeup, but due to my personal insecurities regarding my skin, would prefer to not leave the house without wearing makeup.

My Charlotte Tilbury Light Wonder Foundation has been a foundation I've reached for numerous times throughout this year when I've wanted my skin to have a little bit of coverage/a specific glow. I would go as far as saying that this foundation is similar to a BB cream/tinted moisturiser, but I also like the fact that this foundation is build-able for an equally as flawless finish.

Nars' Soft Matte Creamy Concealer is probably one of my best beauty purchases of the year. I've mentioned so many times how much I love this concealer, however combined with this foundation it is a winning combination. Whilst in the title it's called the 'soft matte concealer', this concealer will give you the exact glow you need without budging or going greasy all day. It's been my dream concealer all year and frankly I know I'll be repurchasing as soon as it runs out.

Finally is the Dandelion Twinkle from Benefit. I love the fact that this product can be used as either a highlighter or a blush, and since I first purchased this back in June, I have used it as either or both daily. The soft blue-toned pink shade with a hint of coral/champagne sparkle is the exactly colour blush I love to wear, and if I'm having a little to no makeup day, the product gives my cheeks the exact pop of colour they need.

What products are your site face favourites?

Beki x


Tuesday, 26 December 2017

I'm Still Not Feeling New Years... // #blankthoughts

Last year I wrote a post about why I don’t celebrate New Years. (you can read that here

There was a little part of me this year that wanted to break my thoughts and try something for New Years. This lasted for approximately for a day before I shrivelled up back into my scrooge-esque mode of hating the new year.

2017 has been a pretty great year for me, of course there were a few mishaps/sad moments along the way, but these have been completely outweighed by the positives of the year. Don’t get me wrong, the thought of a new year and new start is growing on me, but frankly the idea of saying goodbye to a good year for a new year upsets me a little bit more.

This time next week it will be 2018, and I can almost guarantee I won’t suffering from a weekend long hangover- and I’m quite excited about that. See, in my old age (yes, I feel that 20 is perfect to consider myself an old woman now and love it!) I'm pretty certain I don't want to be out on New Year. One year I will make myself do it, but until then the sofa is fine. I'm back at that point where I am looking forward to 'things' again, I'm not entirely sure what those things are, however I am certain that I don't want events that could put me at a temporary low ruining the surprising excitement I have for New Years.

I'm excited for the New Year, but I don't see myself drinking through the excitement anytime soon...

 Beki x


Monday, 25 December 2017

Joyeux Noël // 2017

Merry Christmas! Joyeux Noël, Frohe Weihnachten, Feliz Navidad or simply Happy Holidays!

However you celebrate this magical time of year I just want to wish each and every single one of you reading this page a very Merry Christmas! Whether you have snuck away from your loved ones in a quiet five minutes to read this post, or perhaps you are reading this a couple of days later, whatever the outcome, I truly hope you are having/have had the most magical day surrounded by those you love!

See you tomorrow for more festivities!

All my love,

Beki x

Sunday, 24 December 2017

'Twas The Night Before Christmas... // #blankthoughts

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house

Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St Nicholas soon would be there.’


This is the first verse of the classic Christmas Poem, and it's a favourite of mine. I can remember listening to this poem in assembly and being no older than 7 years old and feeling the excitement of Christmas crawl/tingle up through my back, so much so I wanted to scream and explode.

Now, at 20 years old I still feel that excitement, and it is probably more prominent now than it was back then.

When you’re a child you believe in the fantasy until it wasn’t cool or you found out where the presents really came from on Christmas Eve. However, sometimes you still get to live in that excitement for several years due to your family set up. I’m an only child and was one of the youngest in the younger generations in my family, which meant as soon as I knew *no spoilers*, the excitement was gone. Sure, my family ‘situ’ naturally changed as I got older which meant for a couple of years we got to have the ‘Christmas magic’ with my then step-sisters, and you would think the realism of having two Christmas’ is the best thing, but honestly it is the biggest drama of them all!

As I’ve gotten older I’ve found myself wanting to believe in the magic of Christmas that little bit more, as well as take in every magical moment with my loved ones surrounding me, so that these little moments can overlook the dramas that are happening in ’normal life'.

And that’s why I feel like I really need to take in the excitement of this magical time of year, I put pressure on myself to blog everyday throughout this month so that it was another positive to look back on at the end of the month- and so far so good!

Remember, get an early night tonight else you’ll end up on the naughty list!

Beki x

Saturday, 23 December 2017

December Beauty Favourites

This month I have found myself reaching towards the same few beauty products over and over again, and it is now clear that they are staples in my makeup collection

Nars Contour Blush in Olympia

This has been my favourite cheek product for just over two years, and when I smashed mine in the summer due to a rogue spider and 'drop the phone or drop the blusher' moment it was a sacrifice I had to make. I carried on doing my makeup for a couple of months without it, and it wasn't until I replaced it just over a month ago I realised how 'incomplete' I felt not wearing this.
I will either use this to contour my face or in a simpler makeup look will use this as a blush alone. The rose-toned beige compliments my skin tone perfectly and I know this product will always be key in my makeup routine.

MAC Pro Longwear Nourishing Waterproof Foundation

I took a sample of this on holiday with me to see if it would stand the test of time and 'Sweaty Beki' in the 30°+ heat, and it did. I like to wear this foundation when my skin isn't at its best and I'm aware I may not be able to powder throughout the day. 
Whilst NC15 isn't my normal shade in other MAC products, this shade works well for me and the coverage and reliability of the foundation is something that will be staying in my collection for the foreseeable future.

Kat Von D Everlasting Liquid Lipstick in Ophelia

I purchased this liquid lipstick back in the summer and became obsessed pretty quickly. Kat Von D's liquid lip formulas are incredibly long lasting at the best of time, but when you manage to find your 'your lips but better shade' combined with a pretty good lipliner (see below!), I rarely need/don't need to reapply this colour at all.

Nars Soft Matte Complete Concealer

Again, another key product that I've reached for continuously throughout this year. I've noticed that my skin has changed for the good and bad this year, and whilst it is clearer than it used to be, when I breakout they are incredibly difficult to cover. This concealer easily has the lightest finish but best coverage I have ever used on my skin. I would say always be sure to powder over the concealer afterwards else I've found it doesn't last half as long, but if you love a 'flawless'/'airbrushed' finish then I really recommend this concealer.

MAC Pro Longwear Lip Pencil in Cultured

Last but not least, this lipliner was a random discovery when I was simply swatching liners in MAC to kill some time before a dental appointment. I noticed this colour and realised it was a neutral toned pale brown that I had thought about looking for to add to my collection for a while. It wasnt until I started wearing some of my favourite nude shades including 'Honeylove' and 'Blankety' I realised I could do (not needed) with a lip pencil in this colour. I've worn this pencil almost everyday in December and I really believe it would suit all skintones wonderfully.

Have you tried these products? What are your December beauty favourites? 

Beki x


Friday, 22 December 2017

MAC Cherish & Nice 'n' Spicy

For the past couple of years my good friend Becky and I have exchanged make-up as gifts for each other for our birthdays or Christmas, and this year was no exception!

Becky (it's taking EVERYTHING for me not to constantly type 'Becky Scott') constantly laughs at my lipstick obsession, and will often tell me I am obsessed and will make me quesition whether I do infect need anymore lip products/make-up in general (the answer is always yes obviously!)

This year Becky somehow managed to grab be two lip products that aren't within my ever-growing lip collection, and they fit within perfectly.

'Cherish' is a satin finish lipstick which is a peachy/nude in colour. On first appearance the colour is similar to 'Honeylove', however I really love the formula of the satin lipsticks from MAC and this colour suits my pale skin perfectly. 

'Nice 'n' Spicy' is the corresponding lip liner to 'Cherish', and according to MAC's website the liner is a 'pink cinnamon' shade. I adore the colour of this lipliner and know I'll me reaching for it a lot in 2018.

These two lip products combined are great for the 90s grunge trend, and I know I'll be wearing theses shads a lot in the foreseeable future

Merry Xmas Beck! You nailed it again,

Beki x


Thursday, 21 December 2017

as the end of the year approaches // #blankthoughts

I always think that now, as the end of the year approaches, it's a good time to take a look over how the year has gone, what worked well for you, and the things you really wish you could change.

Trust me, there are so many things I would love to change about myself both mentally and physically, however these are characteristics that shape us all, and fundamentally make us who we are.

I'm a firm believer in everything happening for a reason and fate, so what if you didn't pass that exam or didn't do so well in that assessment? It may upset/annoy you at first, however you can't go back and change the past.

It's difficult to hear, however what you can do is learn from the situation and make the most of everything that is still to come, it may seem hard or uncomfortable at first, but no sooner it feels normal you will feel better in yourself again.

I've got a more personal post selecting on the year coming next week,

Have a think, what was a standout moment of 2017 for you?

Beki x


Wednesday, 20 December 2017

Home for Christmas

I'm home! I cannot even begin to explain my excitement to be back in Plymouth for the next couple of weeks, there are so many people I am desperate to spend time with combined with that Christmas really is one of my favourite times of the year.

Being the cat lady I am the past three months since I've moved away I've worried that my cat would have forgotten who I was. After some confusion on Monday evening when I walked through the front door with my suitcase and bags (I've never been one for travelling lightly) which lead to her sit within the suitcase and growl at the Christmas tree, she quickly remembered who I was and was back to herself biting/play fighting with me (I'm pretty certain she has anger issues!)

I'll be spending a fair chunk of my time over the next couple of weeks I'm home working in my job within retail, and whilst it'd be nice to spend time with my friends and family before I go back to London for what could be 6 months (*prays for Easter break*), I'm telling myself to think about how these wages will help rescue the pit that is my overdraft come January payday.

It won't be all work though, and I'm sure that the time I spend with those I care for will be amazing, because those memories will be what I look back on when I need a boost January onwards.

I truly am looking forward to these next two weeks, and I'm sure if anything really exciting happens I'll end up documenting it somehow! (There is ALWAYS family excitement at Christmas- right?)

Beki x


Tuesday, 19 December 2017

Nars Tavros

Anyone who knows me well knows I'm a fan of a blue eyeshadow, it's part of my inner 90's child and frankly I'm certain the obsession won't be disappearing soon.

The other week I was in the Nars store in Covent Garden with my Mum simply browsing, and then a naughty purchase was made. 

I say naughty, my Mum actually bought the eyeshadow for me as a little gift, but if we hadn't been browsing we'd never have seen it! I was explaining to her about how I loved these eyeshadows and their formula, where she started watching every single colour on the back of her hand. I noticed she switched this colour, Tavros, and me being me I naturally fell in love.

Tavros is a metallic mint green/blue with hints of silver. I own no colour like this shade and I don't think I've ever seen a colour similar. Nars' Dual-Intensity eyeshadows have an incredible lasting power and pigment at the best of times, however if you really want the eyeshadow to last I suggest pairing it with their eyeshadow/eye base and it won't budge all day. 

As you may know I adore my blue shades I've collected within my MAC palette, and this one is a new favourite.

Are there any other Nars eyeshadow shades I should try?

Beki x


Monday, 18 December 2017

Christmas in London // #blankthoughts

At the time you're reading this, I'm preparing myself for my journey home to Plymouth for Christmas, and boy am I excited.

I'm so excited to go home and be with the people I love and care for, whilst also back in the bubble of Plymouth rather than the business of London (which I really love.)

It wasn't until I bumped my head last week and was stuck in bead for the majority of the week that I realised I was ready to come home. I was speaking to people at home constantly whilst I was stuck in bed for the week and realised that whilst I am surrounded by unbelievable people in London (shoutout to Phoebe and Becca for pretty much checking on me everyday over the past two weeks- I owe you both majorly!!!!), there really is nothing more comforting knowing that there are people at home waiting.

Christmas in London would be magical, I have no doubt of it at all, but I can't wait to set foot in Plymouth this evening and be back home for the next two weeks, it's going to be great.

Beki x


Sunday, 17 December 2017

Red Carpet Red

When it comes to festive makeup, for me, nothing beats a classic red lip.

Today I am back once again talking about some Charlotte Tilbury products (yes I really am addicted!), specifically her lipstick 'Red Carpet Red' and lipliner 'Kiss n Tell'.

I received these two lip products free inside a makeup bag look with a code I received in a previous order, and was completely shocked to see that Charlotte was giving away such well known products with these codes!

'Red Carpet Red' is a blue toned Hollywood red. Like many of Charlotte's lipsticks, the colour is timeless and certainly would never date, as well as also being perfect for all skin tones. The formula is one of Charlotte's 'Matte Revolution' lipsticks, and whilst the formula is drying and long lasting, it is also very creamy and lightweight which means that should you need to reapply the lipstick, it doesn't go cake or irritate the lips.

'Kiss n Tell' is the corresponding lipliner to 'Red Carpet Red'. The colour of the liner is slightly more of a true red compared 'Red Carpet Red', however the liner itself doesn't budge or dry out your lips, and when it's paired with the liner the consistency of the two products works greatly and your lips can pretty much be left unattended throughout the course of you wearing your makeup. 

Of course, you don't have to pick 'Red Carpet Red' or 'Kiss n Tell' if you want to wear a red lip this Christmas, but I know that these two lip colours will be colours I am reaching for repeatedly.

Beki x


Saturday, 16 December 2017

Charlotte Tilbury Favourites

If you hadn't guessed by the several posts already (and many more) posts still to come, Charlotte Tilbury is probably one of my favourite makeup brands ever.

In this post I'm going to share with you guys just a few of my favourite pieces of hers, because frankly if I could own the entire collection I willingly would.

My 'The Rebel' Eyeshadow Palette is honestly one of my favourite items of makeup I own. The eyeshadows have an incredible buttery texture that literally just glides across they eyelid along with pigmentation that is exactly the same as it is in the palette. 
Anyone who knows me knows that green is probably my favourite colour, as well as it complimenting my eyes and skin tone so well, so to be able to find a palette that contains not one, but three wearable green eyeshadows shades that literally do not move all day honestly blows my mind. I would recommend ANY of her eyeshadow palettes.

A nice little item that would match any of her eyeshadow palettes is the 'Colour Chameleon' eyeshadow pencils. I own this pencil in the 'Bronzed Garnet' shade and again the lasting power and pigment in these pencils is fantastic, and the two products combined really ensure your eyeshadow isn't going anywhere. (I purchased this pencil alongside the 'The Vintage Vamp' palette and it compliments the colours perfectly!)

Charlotte's Lip Cheat in 'Pillowtalk' is honestly one of the most raved about nude lipliners in the in beauty world, and all for the right reasons. This lipliners consistency is so smooth and creamy that it is perfect for just a little line around the edge of the lip or for fully filling in the lip without drying out your lips. I cannot recommend these enough.

Next up I am going to talk about her lipsticks and liquid lipsticks. With her lipsticks, Charlotte generally has two formulas 'K.I.S.S.I.N.G' (creamy, sheer) and 'Matte Revolution' (matte, smooth) which also make up her lip collections, as well as also having the 'Hot Lips' range which are shades 'designed/inspired' around 12 different celebrities. I some lipsticks from both formulas and I am always impressed with their longevity and ability to not dry your lips out, whilst also not looking caked whenever they've been reapplied several times in the day.
Charlotte's liquid lipsticks only launched back in the Summer, and let me tell you they are nothing like I've ever tried before. The consistency of these almost looks dry as it leaves the bottle, and with a couple of specific applications (would really recommend the lipliner!) these liquid lipsticks do not budge, bleed or dry out the person wearing them at all.

Finally, I am going to talk about her 'Light Wonder' foundation, a product I adore to wear whenever I am having a very good skin day. I actually own both of Charlotte's foundations, as I found her shade range was perfect for a girl like me (unbelievably pale and wears shade 1 for reference!) and I like the difference in the two formulas of foundation. This foundation is definitely on the lighter side in terms of coverage, although I do believe it is easy to build more layers and coverage.

Beki x


Friday, 15 December 2017

My Relationship with Alcohol

My name is Beki Blank, and I am certainly not an alcoholic, in fact I've probably drunk less alcohol in my years than the average youth, and I'm really alright with that.

Don't get me wrong, I adore a cocktail or a couple (many) glasses (bottles) of wine, but there's something about alcohol that makes me feel unbelievably uneasy, and I have no idea what it is; which is why I choose not to drink it excessively. I know my limits, and I always stick to them.

It's really hard to explain, so I'm going to do my best to put it into words that hopefully others can understand as well...

I like to know what I'm doing, I like to feel in control of my body. I've been drunk a few times in my twenty years (wild, I know!) and I have been fine, but it's filled me with feelings of anxiety, nervousness and generally feeling really crap (not hungover though I wish to add!) for at least two/three days afterwards, and if I'm honest it's not worth it. Like anything mental health related most feelings/thoughts/actions has a trigger, and many spirits seem to be mine. 

For example, the majority of shots (except for sourz) are my main trigger, and if I do them, I may feel great at that moment, but the anxiety/general upset I get prior and after doing the shot really isn't worth it, so much so I ran out of my leaving do in Plymouth when a friend bought me tequila. It was scene I didn't want to make, but I couldn't do the shot and risk feeling unhappy- especially when I wanted to enjoy my night with people around me who I loved.

Sometimes I wonder if it would be easier if I went completely tee total, like people seem to understand someone who just doesn't want to drink, so why can't a little drinker be equally as easy to understand?

Although to completely contradict myself, I’ve drunk a lot for me since being at uni. It is a social thing, and frankly my skill of being able to drink a bottle wine similarly to a bottle of water is something that hasn’t gone unnoticed in our flat, so much so I’m going with it being my party trick, and once again I am okay with that.

So basically, I like a drink, but I don't want to be drunk, far from it. If I've got a glass of wine in hand I'm probably really happy, but equally I'm just as happy with my Ribena, so please just let me be...

Beki x

Thursday, 14 December 2017

Chocolate & Smarties Cookies

Today I'm sharing a recipe I have for a delicious chocolate cookies, and whilst my photographed cookies may not be as aesthetically pleasing as the average food bloggers, be assured this recipe is easy and the end result will certainly go down a treat. 


You Will Need

150g salted butter
80g caster sugar
80g granulated sugar
1 large egg
125g plain flour
100g cocoa powder
½ tsp bicarbonate of soda
¼ tsp salt
200g chocolate of your choice- I chose smarties!


- Preheat the oven to 190C/170C fan/gas 5. 

- Line two baking trays with non-stick baking paper, or grease the trays with additional butter. Place the butter and sugars into a bowl and beat until creamy, before adding the egg and mixing. 

- Using a sieve, add the flour, bicarbonate of soda and salt over the mixture and mix in with a wooden spoon. Mix well before adding the chocolate.

- Place small mounds of the mixture well apart on the baking trays. Bake in the oven for 8–10 mins until light brown on the edges and still slightly soft in the centre.

- Leave to cool on tray before transferring the cookies to a cooling rack or plate.


And there you have it- like I said it's a really simple recipe, and can be easily adapted to whatever chocolate you wish to add.

Will you be making these cookies?

Beki x


Wednesday, 13 December 2017

Luxury Beauty Gift Ideas

Today I'm sharing three luxury beauty items that I feel would be perfect for any beauty lover if you really want to treat them.


You generally can't go wrong with a bottle of perfume- unless you end up buying a scent someone detests! It's always worth knowing a perfume they already wear so you can ask a sales advisor if they recommend any other scents. 

Last year Boots launched their Emporium, a service where you can get items personalised/engraved and wrapped. You can build beauty gift boxes, however I really love the fact you can get beauty items engraved. For Christmas last year my Mum got me a bottle of perfume from Estée Lauder personalised and now, as I'm coming to the end of the bottle I don't think I'll be able to get rid of it.

Chanel Lipstick

If we are being completely honest, nothing screams more luxury than a Chanel lipstick. The packaging is so chic and feminine, combined with the stunning pigmentation and long-lasting formula, any lipstick lover (like myself 🙃) would be very happy unwrapping this on Christmas Day!

MAC x 9 Eyeshadow Palette

It wasn't until I was sorting through my collection the other day that I realised how perfect this mini palette would be as a gift. MAC have several of these 'x9' palettes, with some styles/colours limited edition and others part of the full collection, these palettes are great for eyeshadow enthusiasts who don't necessarily want to go to the hassle of building their own MAC palette...(naturally, I've completed one palette and nearly a second because I really am that extra🙃)

I hope these products have given you a few ideas!

Will you be asking for any of these products this year?

Beki x 


Tuesday, 12 December 2017

We All Need Time for Ourselves // #blankthoughts

Sometimes we all need time to ourselves. 

Recently I've found myself in desperate need of more 'me time'. I found myself comfortably sitting in my room and choosing to focus on other things to 'sort my head out', rather than just try to carry on as normal and socialising in the kitchen with my flatmates.

It's difficult to explain- but essentially I allowed my anxieties and past 'issues' to take control of me, even though I had no fundamental reason to let them. I felt unbelievably excluded from the people I live with (for no reason whatsoever) and it meant that whenever I walked in a room I felt heightened tension that simply didn't exist. 

I started to question whether I fit in within our little dynamic anymore, whether the seven incredible flatmates I lived with truly understood me, and accepted me for the honest version of me I was living as, or whether I needed to change in order feel comfortable.

I took time for myself to slowly digest how I was feeling as well as try to pinpoint why I was feeling this way, and now it has been just over a month and frankly I don't think I'm any closer to knowing what really triggered it, however, I know I am happier. I do know that I'm happier because I'm caring less, I'm not afraid of saying I need some time for myself to get my head around something. 

In the past month I've found myself forming relationships/strengthening friendships with people through talking about anxiety and other personal problems. Some of these people I was/am fairly close with and it was a topic that was always glossed over rather than being thoroughly discussed, others are people I have never spoken too before, but don't see going anywhere anytime soon. 

Is it a strange thing to bond over? Not at all. Mental Health is normal.

'We need to openly talk about our feelings to truly understand how we feel.'

Anxiety & Mental Health issues really shouldn't be brushed past, and I can't stress enough how important it is to talk to someone about how you feel. Bottling up you're emotions will only hurt you more in the long run- trust me I've been there MANY times. Be selfish. Say how you feel. Just understand that sometimes how you're feeling might not make sense to people completely, but they will always have you're best interests at heart.

We all need time for ourselves, and this past month has made me feel the strongest, happiest and clearest I have felt in a while...

Meilla, Yvie, Jonah, Sophie, Ed, Esther & Lyle- I hope you liked the guys rock 

Beki x


Monday, 11 December 2017

Currently Reading - 'Some Kind of Wonderful' by Giovanna Fletcher

Hello all!

Today I wanted share with you all the book I am currently reading, and that is 'Some Kind of Wonderful' by Giovanna Fletcher. I adore Gi's books and have done since she first released Billy & Me back in 2013. 

Generally, I'm the kind of girl that when I really get stuck into a book, I can read it within a few hours, and Gi's books are generally no exception to that rule. I started reading this book before I went to bed last Monday, with the intention of getting it finished by the end of last week so today's post could have been a review...

 However, last Tuesday I had a nasty bump to the head in uni (it wasn't my fault or me being clumsy for once!) which meant I have spent the past week being stuck in bed trying to sleep off the mother of all headaches (concussion is disgusting and I feel for anyone who ends up suffering long term from it!) and also meant I had to slow down my reading.

I had managed to get about 70/80 pages in within the first hour or so of reading, and I really am hooked. *spoiler time* (kind of) I'm at the part where Lizzy has just turned up on the doorstep of her friend Connie's following the split- and I'm desperate to find out what happens next! It has taken so much for me not to pick up my book and start reading whilst I've been stuck in bed, as I knew it really wouldn't make me any better!

This week my week is full of assessments, which naturally means I am stressing, so I am going to make it my mission from this evening to read at least one chapter each evening to calm me down before I go to sleep. I also go home a week today, and whilst I planned on doing plenty of writing for something exciting (well I think it is exciting!) part of me thinks it'll be my mission to finish the book on the three and a half hour journey home.

Have you read 'Some Kind of Wonderful'?

Beki x


Sunday, 10 December 2017

English Beauty

It's time for another lipstick post!

Charlotte Tilbury recently launched three limited edition lipsticks based on three countries, Shanghai, America and England.

At first, I wasn't particularly 'worried' about the lipsticks from this collection, as for me 'American Sweetheart' looked very similar to 'Pillowtalk', a lipstick I already own from Charlotte Tilbury and religiously wear, and 'Shanghai Nights' is beautiful, but again I own so many similar shades that I couldn't justify it (currently).

'English Beauty' is the perfect in-between of Charlotte's lipsticks 'Valentine' (I don't own but again, a girl can dream) and 'Pillowtalk'. It is a gorgeous rose-pink nude shade that I am certain would suit all skin tones.

I've spoken countlessly about ow 2017 has been the year I became obsessed with nude lipsticks and this one is literally another to add to the collection.

I love the formula of Charlotte's matte lipsticks and find that they always last on my lips for ages, and combined with 'Pillowtalk' lipliner (seriously, every nude lip obsessive like myself NEEDS this shade!), it really is a winning combination!

Beki x


Saturday, 9 December 2017

Chocolate Cream Cocktail

Hey everyone!

In todays blogpost I thought I'd share with you a really easy 'Chocolate Cream' cocktail recipe that I think will be enjoyed by many over this festive month.

I use Irish Cream in the recipe, although note that Irish Cream flavoured syrups do exist, so you could make a non-alcoholic version of the drink that will be enjoyed just as much!



1 ounce Baileys/Irish Cream

A dash of peppermint syrup/flavouring

3 Oreo cookies

1 ounce single cream

2 scoops chocolate ice cream

12 scoop ice, crushed



Simply combine all of the ingriedients into a blender and blend until the consistency is smooth. Then pour the mixture into a glass of your choice, with additional oreos as garnish for decoration (and a little snack!)

Like I said, you don't have to use alcohol if you wanted to make a mocktail rather than a cocktail, however there isn't a substantial amount of alcohol anyway- so if you wanna drink your heart out, be my guest!

Beki x

(Please drink responsibly.)

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