Wednesday, 28 December 2016

Why I Don't Celebrate New Years // #blankthoughts

Every year people ask me if I am doing anything for New Years, and the answer is no.

This isn't because I'm a social recluse who is much happier in my own company (!), its simply the way I have been brought up, with a few of my thoughts thrown in for good measure.

You see, I am a very open minded person, and will actively change plans or how I'm doing something without as second thought, and that's how I see New Years. For example, next year my life could be completely different and I could be out in a club surrounded by friends and loved ones loving the countdown, but right now that sounds like hell.

Living in a household that kind of half heartedly celebrated it meant I would always watch the BBC1 countdown live from London and then say Happy New Year to my Mum and Dad before continuing as normal, but it was as I have gotten older I simply realise that there is no need for me to celebrate New Years, as nothing will ever change.

Like so many others, our family had their share of difficulties as I was growing up and its been over the past few years that on New Years Eve/Day I really struggle. Saying goodbye to a year and hello to another is fine, but what difference is that one minute going to make? Those problems don't suddenly get left in the past and probably will continue into the future. I know its a pessimistic approach to have on the situation, but it simply is the truth.

Last year we had a gathering at our house on NYE, I was really looking forward to seeing everyone and staying up all night singing, drinking and dancing surrounded by family, when truth be told by 10pm I had had one drink and was much happier sat on the sofa minding my own business. Then the tears came and they didn't want to leave. It was difficult trying to explain to my family who didn't understand my 'fear' of the evening why I didn't want to be there. I dried my tears and went to bed, needless to say I barely slept all night and was subconsciously thinking about this new year that was approaching, and all the changes I 'needed' to make.

'New Year New Me' is a saying I despise. We as humans only have one life so why wait until the 1st of January to start something new when you could literally start tomorrow? I've spent countless years of my life thinking what if this year is different, when in reality it will always be whatever we make it.

Beki x


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