Saturday, 31 December 2016

Goodbye 2016 // #blankthoughts

Goodbye 2016. It wasn't the year I planned, but it certainly wasn't a year I'll be forgetting. 

This year was a year I wanted to truly focus on myself and my mental health. Now, if I am 100% honest I definitely didn't do this. I care so much about what people think of me and my decisions that it sends me crazy. I find it difficult to say no to things unless its my closest/nearest people around me who know I'm joking or desperate for a break. But that's okay, as over the past couple of months I feel like I have been managing my time better, (and for the first time in my life sufficiently staying up past 10pm whilst being inside my house- this NEVER happens!) And I have really loved my past couple of months of the year. 

Sadness. There's certainly been sadness this year, mainly through my overthinking. If I think too much about something I stress myself out and get upset, not to mention thinking about what people think of me. I've gotten so stressed through education I've laughed my way through everything and almost ended up not caring. I do care, I really care. Its just hard to show you care when the industry you want to enter is so cut throat. 2016 was another year of no's in theatre school land for Beki, and I'm totally okay with that, as if I had of got in, I wouldn't be on my college course now learning so much more and surrounded by people who all want similar things to me.

 I passed my Grade 8! I know what you're thinking, she's banging on about her Grade 8 again, but frankly I see this as my major highlight of the year. I'd dreamt of getting my Grade 8 in Musical Theatre since I was 13, and after a failed attempt last year, I am so so happy with the end outcome. I finished my A Levels (finally) and said goodbye to a school that I had negative connotations with no through fault of my own since I was 11. Its funny, I never imagined myself leaving, and now I could never see myself going back. Sixth Form majorly affected my thoughts and views on education, and frankly 2016 was the year I knew I could never become a teacher, and needed to work on my 'career.'

Laughter. 2016 was certainly the year I've laughed the most in years. Of course, there were the moments where I have wanted to cry and hide in a corner, but there were also the moments where I have laughed so much I really have questioned my brain or sense, as I'm sure you would to. My personal favourites including the time my dungarees fell down the toilet 4 seconds before the weeing began. I've lost friends in supermarkets and been approached by 60-year-old men whilst declaring a love for my 18 inches (2 nine inches) of Pizza in a car park. I've compared picking a favourite Disney Princess to Jesus picking his favourite disciple, accidentally wished a Jehovah's Witness Merry Christmas alongside walking into a wall with my Frappachino. None of these may make much sense to you, but these are just a few of my daily 'Beki' moments, and I doubt they'll be stopping any time soon.

This year I also met a number of new people who I have laughed until I've nearly peed myself with (favourite kind of people fyi), most of whom I know are those people who could potentially be friends for life. The kind you don't see for 2/3/5/10 years, but could bump into them in the street and go for coffee and instantly be inseparable. If anyone from Flat 52 or the GSA Audition Technique week is reading this- thank you for making me smile and I miss you!!!!!

I set myself numerous targets throughout 2016, and I didn't accomplish many if any of them. I'm not going to say what I did or didn't achieve, as even though I set myself targets and time limits on when I want to complete things, I know ultimately that there is no boundary. I truly believe that everything happens for a reason, and perhaps that this year wasn't the year. I want 2017 to be the year I don't turn down opportunities. That I don't allow my nerves to control the life I want to live and chances I want to take. I want to take risks and not care what people think. I want to get to this time next year and say I did all I could- even if I could have done more.

I could write so much more about the year, but I won't, as this year was the first year of my life where I truly felt happy and content accepting the actions and surroundings that surrounded me, whether they were good, bad or indifferent.

2016, thank you for opening my eyes and allowing me to try,

Beki x


1 comment

Blogger Template Created by pipdig