Thursday, 29 September 2016

Life Plan // #blankthoughts


Whilst sorting jumpers in work a couple of weeks go, an idea I had been waiting to ‘flick’ in my head for quite some time finally became clear, and that was my life plan.

For quite a while, I’ve tried to stay calm about my future, when in all honesty it terrifies me.

I dedicate and have dedicated a substantial amount of time to all things artistic from around the age of 14, with me taking it seriously and as a ‘career prospect’ (but also enjoying it) from the very same moment. At this moment I also accepted Theatre School was hard to get into way before I had even applied, but it honestly makes me want it more.

However, the thought of working towards something I’ve dedicated so much time to and thought of losing it equally terrifies me. For example, all of my A Levels and equivalent qualifications I have studied/currently studying are in homage to one day being able to say ‘I did it.’ That’s the simplicity of it.

Take this blog as an example, I am fully aware that I started this as a hobby, and whilst it still it a hobby, by ‘forcing’ myself to write it has allowed me to think creatively and explore new ideas, and ultimately made me realise how much I want to incorporate writing into my career as well. I had an idea for one of the many book ideas I have when I was 14, and over the past couple of years I’ve written a couple of thousand of words to compliment it. Now, I have challenged myself to finish writing this book by the end of next year, I know it seems ages away but no pressure allows me to create my best work!

Likewise, with my singing, I don’t just want to be performing in musicals, I would just like a career involving singing; whether this is in the classical crossover field, mainstream vocals or something I’ve yet to discover, I just want the options.

Lastly, I’ve set myself a time limit of university/theatre school. If I’m not in by 22, then I really will have to explore other options. Although saying this, part of me has fallen in love with an online degree in Opera Studies, and I kind of want to explore that next year.

But once again the thoughts that keep crossing my mind are what if all of these projects/courses and everything else I’m doing is just a waste of time and never see the light of day? What if the books never get published? What if I never stand on a professional stage and sing? What if the best part of 5-7 years falls down the drain in an instant?

Unfortunately, this is the kind of industry I’m entering and I know that in my heart if I worked for everything and it doesn’t happen, then it clearly wasn’t meant to be, its all in the life plan.

Beki x

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